She's here....

.... slightly earlier than planned due to some complications. But she's here, she's perfect and we are deeply in love.

Much more soon, but you'll know why if things are a bit quiet around here for a while!

x

The baby gender post

Image from What Calico Did Next, Via the amazing blog Blue Milk

I mentioned in our 'Half way there' post that we didn't find out the sex of the baby, and promised i'd explain more in another post. It took a while (forgive me, sleeping, eating and obsessive baby relating Pinterest activity took precedence...)  but here we go.  I find the obsession with my babies genitals odd.  The sex is often the first question people ask when they discover I'm pregnant. Some love that we're keeping it a surprise but for others, the ambiguity of the gender seems to cause anxiety- almost as if without knowing the gender, they don't know how to react 'properly' to it, so the sooner its born and the sooner the sex is announced the sooner everyone can put it neatly into its little box. We're acquiring most of the clothes for our baby second hand, and on the odd occasion that I have wondered into baby shops, I have found it perplexing and annoying when they are divided into 'girls' and 'boys' clothes. Does anyone else find it odd that we force gender stereotypes onto even new born babies? Pink cards with teddies and princesses, blue balloons with tractors and trains. And people so quickly fall into saying 'isnt she cute/pretty/gorgeous!' to baby girls and 'Isnt he big/strong/a little bruiser!' to baby boys. Its so ingrained in our culture that I'm sure we don't even recognise ourselves doing it sometimes, I know that I've been guilty of doing this in the past, but now try very hard not too.

So why does this matter?  Me and my mister decided not to find out the gender because we think it will help us to prepare for the baby in a less stereotypical Pink or Blue way (and because there are very few things in life that are genuine surprises and this has got to be the best, no?!)  I don't question that girls and boys are inherently different. I  believe that they are. But I do know that those gender differences are exaggerated by societal norms that tend to push both to their extremes with very little room for anything in between.  If little girls are constantly told how pretty, cute and gorgeous they are, its no wonder that so many grow up thinking that the way they look is the most, and sometimes only, valuable thing about them. In my experience (and the experiences of those around me) its gender stereotypes that contribute to men feeling unable to express emotion or display an interest in appearance without being labelled as 'Gay' (don't get me started on the use of 'Gay' as an insult...) They lead to men feeling 'unmasculine' if they aren't the breadwinners.  Its gender stereotypes that lead to so many women hating their bodies, that lead to women doing the majority of the housework and caring - meaning they are less able to develop their own interests and careers and far more likely to earn less money than men. Its also gender stereotypes that lead to women being blamed for wearing short skirts in rape cases, rather than men being blamed for raping them. I'm not saying that all gender inequality stems from what colour cardigan you put your baby in when its born!  Its just that this particular issue threw some interesting stuff up for me and my mister, and our friends, that I thought i'd elaborate on here.

The strongest, but by no means only, influence on the way that children understand gender comes from the parents, who either overtly or covertly pass on to their children their own beliefs about gender. My mister and I have chosen to challenge traditional gender roles as much as possible in our marriage, sharing housework (crucial, in our opinion),  (future) childcare, and money earning. But we are inherently different. He is much stronger than me physically. I enjoy wearing pretty dresses and he likes woodwork and doesn't care as much as me about his appearance. And I think that whilst many of these differences should be challenged, others should be celebrated. So I know that our baby will probably conform eventually to one or the other, because 'monkey see, monkey do'.

But, even if my sons are car obsessed football lovers,  I would dearly like them to feel comfortable with expressing emotion, to do an equal share of housework and childcare. To become equality-loving men. And I'd dearly like to raise my daughters, even if they do end up loving all things Pink plastic Princess, to be strong leaders, understand that their identity and value does not reside solely in their body shapes, know that its not true that just because they are female that they'll never be any good at maths or be intrinsically better at  nurturing. As a family, I hope that my daughters and I will be building stuff, learning to make fires and climbing trees, that my mister and sons can be excited about what they wear, feel confident in being caring and sensitive and enjoy whipping up extraordinary concoctions in the kitchen.


We have no problem with other parents discovering the sex, we just think that for us this will really help us to continue on the path that we've tried to walk with this gender malarkey.  And I'll let you know how it goes, who knows, I may well be back here in a couple of months/years eating my words, but as naive new parents-to-be we are going to have a damn good go at it. I'd love to hear the thoughts of parents and non parents alike too.

P.S Happy International Women's day! A post about baby gender seemed appropriate somehow.

P.P.S Pop day is getting frighteningly close now. Eek!

P.P.S I am over the moon, smitten, and already completely loved up about the fact that I am going to be an auntie! Ray is having a baby, which means our babies will only be 6 months apart. I put a great deal of importance on the role of auntie's and cousins as both are so important to me, so I cant tell you how excited I am!

Things not to say to pregnant ladies

Wasted Rita

Well-meaning and perhaps not so well- meaning things friends, strangers and family members have said to me in the last few months: 

On my preferred sitting position:

"When you sit with your hands on your belly, you remind me of Homer Simpson." 

*guffaw* "You look like a dirty old man sat like that (from my husband- on sitting knees akimbo to accomodate my bump. He didn't say it again. )

On size:

"Oh my god, you're massive/colossal/HUGE" (Is it ever nice to hear these words?!) 

"You're going to double in size in the last few weeks. No, you LITERALLY will."

On peeing:

"Up twice in the night to pee?! Thats nothing. Soon you'll be up 12 times." 

On overhearing a conversation about bladder pressure with a friend: "Sexy!" 

On eating: 

"Lets have dinner! Meet at 8.45pm?" (Um, how about 6.00pm? 5.00?!)

"Wow, thats impressive,  you really ARE eating for two!" 

"Gosh is that your fourth biscuit?"

On seeing my baby move in my belly:

*screech* (pale face...)

"URGH"

"Gross" 

"It's like Alien!" (actually, I didn't mind this too much- its true)

On water retention: 

"Do ALL pregnant women get ankles like yours?!" 

"it gets much, much worse"

I have excluded the birth/post birth comments in the interests of brevity and because I dont want to spoil your dinner. Permanently. Suffice to say, people say the darndest things. 

Oh, and things to say? Variations of: You look lovely! Very stylish! Lovely lipstick! Nice shoes! So pretty! You get the idea. Even if it is ever so slightly vacuous and not strictly true. Hm kay?!

P.s Just in case friends are reading this and freaking out, I should say that I found most of  these comments hilarious, and not offensive at all (other than by the odd comment given by strangers).I just thought I'd share the comedy!

Valentines, belated

Just before Valentines day my mister directed a Valentines promo for Samsung based on the concept of a love note. I've been a bit of a bad wife for not blogging it until now, so I am making amends! My mister and his directing partner created a beautiful installation for the video, which you can see here: It was a big deal for them, and I'm pretty proud.

Samsung 'Love Note' from Academy Plus (A+) on Vimeo.

As for the rest of Valentines...

and mushy peas of course!

A candle lit fish and chip dinner from our favourite local chippy; piping hot and still crispy from the fryer; the steamy sting of the vinegar hitting the back of your throat as you go to eat the first chip; divine. A long hot bath with lavender and epsom salts (my new beauty obsession)  a small amount of very good red wine and some silly washi tape love messages. Lovely. 

I'm a bit bah humbug about Valentines, but when your husband looks at you, with nothing but love and even a bit of awe in his eyes and says "you're brilliant", despite being slouched on the couch in wrinkled pyjama's, biscuit crumbs scattered on your swollen belly and wonky Nora Batty ankles propped on the table;  now that's love. Something I can celebrate. 

Bah humbug or not,  I hope yours was lovely too.

Happy Pancakes!

Whether it is an artfully constructed galette of stewed fruit, quince jelly, cream and crushed hazlenuts, or  dolloped with Nutella and scoffed straight from the pan, here's wishing you a very Happy Pancake day!

Pancake day is one of my favourite days of the year. We had friends round last night for a pancake dinner party, we ate pancakes for dinner tonight and I suspect that we shall continue in this vein for the rest of the week. Our preferred savoury topping is spinach, mushroom and feta cheese; piled together in the pan, folded in half and given time to melt and in a mouthwateringly delicious cheesy, spinachy goo. Berries, whipped cream and maple syrup was truly delightful too, but you simply cant go wrong with lemon and sugar, can you?

Easy, delicious and made for me by a willing husband; today made this pregnant lady very happy.

The beat my heart skipped, and why I love the NHS.

Rather lovely heart embroidery by KnittyMD on Etsy

I have had a few complications and oddities in my pregnancy that I haven't wanted to elaborate on until I knew the outcome either way. One of them was that my placenta was low at my 20 week scan. If it had stayed low I would have had to have a scheduled Cesarean, as it it would have blocked the exit of the baby, and caused me to hemorrhage .  It's now risen. Go Placenta! ( I don't think I've ever spoken to one of my organs as much as Ive spoken to my placenta over the last couple of months...)  I also discovered that I have a unusual blood type that means I have had to have a series of injections to stop my body from potentially expelling future foetuses (yeah). Another was that I discovered that I have myself an irregular ticker. An ectopic heart beat to be precise. An ECG, 24 hour monitoring, an echo cardiogram and a few consultancy sessions later, I have discovered that although slightly odd sounding, my heart is completely healthy. The main sound my baby will hear will be my special, sporadic little heart beat. I kind of love that.


I don't resent any of this, this has simply been my pregnancy. I still consider myself lucky that I got off relatively scott free on the sickness front, that I've felt pretty relaxed, that my hormones have remained relatively- and mercifully- normal and that I've generally felt good (although I'm realising more and more that your attitude dictates lots of this). The point of all of this is to say that I bloody love the NHS.  I have had wonderful care from the local midwives and when things looked iffy, I had wonderful care from the local hospital to check that everything was healthy, which, thankfully it was. By some stroke of luck/God/fate I have found myself living in an area which just happens to have a brand new birth centre in it. An award winning,  midwife led birth centre which has five double suites with a whole host of fancy equipment to help you give birth naturally.  All of this is free to me. I simply cant fathom living somewhere where I couldn't always visit the doctor when I wanted to check something, of having to take out horrifically expensive health care insurance in order to pay for my care. Of not being able to access free, midwife led maternity care. Essentially, I feel so very lucky to be a British citizen with access to our brilliant National Health Service.


So its a bit of a pity that  the current government is trying to butcher it.  The Health and Social Care Bill will change the NHS from a national, collaborative health service into a competitive, market-based system, which is entirely unsuitable.  The bill is nearing the end of its parliamentary cycle which means its almost crunch time. The government, in a rather desperate scramble to get the bill through have tabled over a hundred amendments to try to keep everyone happy; unsuccessfully.  It has suffered numerous defeats and been derided by doctors, nurses and other health professionals. But the government are pushing ahead with it. I know the NHS isn't perfect, and not all of my care has been 100% perfect,  but I strongly believe that the current reforms are going to do irreparable damage. This short piece by Cathy Warwick, Chief Executive of the Royal College of Midwives, is a good summary of whats wrong with the bill (I haven't got the energy to go into it here). I'm also planning on attending this rally in March, if I can face waddling down too. 


Anyway. Hurray for the NHS and long may it live.  

Grazia: have a sweet crafty Valentines!

I've had fun over the last couple of days pulling together some sweet crafty Valentines ideas for Grazia.  Hop over to read 7 ideas to turn Valentines from a mass produced corporate tack fest into something a wee bit more personal and unique. The ideas include make your own knickers, washi tape love messages, DIY love heart jumpers, scrabble messages, chocolate fudge, sugar cookies and a knit your own boyfriend kit amongst other things.  All this Valentines research might just tempt me out of my usual misery guts, bah humbug response to old St Val. We'll see!

One of my favourite ideas is to commission a custom portrait, or buy a unique print from an illustrator. Here are some of my favourites...

Custom piece by Abby Wright. Prices start from £40

Custom portrait by Gemma Milly, prices start from £50

Amazing print by Rebecca Hendin, found via Amelia's Magazine. Available from her website- but she will also do custom pieces too I think.

Spooning Squirrels print by Sandra Dieckmann, available from her Etsy shop. Gorgeous eh?

Custom piece of Florence Welch by Faye West she also does commissions. 

So- i'm sure the illustrators would love to hear from you if you want to get your love a print or custom piece (cant wait to commission something when the baby arrives!)Leave a comment below if you are an illustrator offering a similar service.

London day: Breakfast, stars, market

We set out to Greenwich park on a cold bright January morning on a date day organised by my mister (my Christmas present). Smoked Salmon and cream cheese bagels and a flask of hot coffee were consumed on a frosty bench with a bright blue sky overhead and London, looking gorgeous, spread before us. My Space obsession was fuelled with a trip to the Planetarium to learn about the constellations of the stars and planets. Sitting in reclining chairs with the night sky whooshing around our heads as we were talked through the story of the stars was wonderful; If you've never visited a planetarium, I highly recommend it. Next, a trip on the DLR (at the front, my favourite) to East London, to visit Broadway market. We queued for hot falafel wraps then ambled down the road, popping into little shops, squeezing past tightly packed food stalls, and rummaging through vintage clothes rails. We found two rare seats then holed up in a coffee shop with Chelsea buns and hot coffee to people-watch and talk shit. A pub, then dinner at the Rivington; divine creamy scollops and lamb pie.

Greenwich Park, frosty

London, gorgeous.

Hot coffee, so good on that cold cold day

New lips, courtesy of Mac (and my sister)

The Greenwich naval college, Canary Wharf in the background.

Low sun, bump

Mister, bundled up

Grass, frozen solid, before the sun had found it. 

Head in the stars, Planeterium

'Driving' the DLR. So cool....

Coffee, polkadots

Broadway market

Scollops, candles, wine; divine!

A perfect day- all the more precious as it'll be one of our last dates before we're three.

Not that we're planning on stopping date dates when the baby comes- on the contrary- we're already queueing up babysitters (seriously- planning time just for the two of us away from our baby is a priority for us) but it'll be one of the last before we have a baby at home to get back too (whoa!).  I've also been squeezing in as many dinner parties, brunches, after work drinks and movie nights as possible (mostly sans camera, unfortunately), in an effort to see friends and eat new food and see new things before we effectively become hermits for a few months. Suffice to say its been lots of fun and a lovely excuse to do fun London stuff and demand time from my friends. 

Anyway- hope you're all very well, and that any Londoners out there arent too chilly in this cold snap (brrrr!)

The third trimester

Winter bump.

So. 7 and a half months pregs. Golly. 

I can safely say that I love being pregnant. Like, love it. Which sort of surprises me. In fact most things about being pregnant have surprised me, mostly (but not entirely) for the better. I'm much more relaxed about everything than I thought I'd be. It's not without its ache's and pains and complications but growing a baby is pretty, well, brilliant. 

What else?

• I am no longer aware of the outer limits of my body. Hence the accidental throwing of hairbrushes, the bumping into door frames, tripping over pavement slabs,  dropping of plates, food, glasses...
• When the wind is whipping my hair around my face, and the rain is soaking my shoes, I love thinking about the bubs, cocooned inside the warmth of my body.
• I'm having to sleep propped up like an old lady.
• It still feels like magic. I'm making a cup of tea, but at the same time  there's a baby in my belly! Applying deodorant, yes, but I'm also growing a human being! Nope, I'm not just walking, I'm also growing another persons ORGANS. 
• Current favourite pregnancy hobby: saying 'Badoing' whilst popping my belly out of my t shirt. Only at home. Ahem...
• The baby is about 42cm long. Which is, quite frankly, unfathomable. 
• I miss running but my achey body seems to love walking, so we've been doing lots of it. Back and forth to our antenatal classes and doctors appointments, to work and back again, around our local park. Time to chew the fat to the rhythm of our feet.  
• I love what this pregnancy has done to our mariage. I cant quite put it in to words, and though it's been tough at times, we've never felt closer, or more like us. 
• If you've ever wondered what pregnancy feels like, its like this......

 

                          ...in your belly. All. The. Time.

P.S My summer bump is here, Autumn bump here (quite a difference between Autumn and winter!)

The blanket. Ongoing.

So, life.

A 50th birthday and my Grandad's funeral in one weekend;  leaving me reeling with mixed emotions. Flying high in the whoosh of a ceilidh, hysterically laughing, blinking away tears during honest, heart wrenching speeches. Feeling full of love for my lovely auntie.

My auntie; the Birthday girl. Rocking 50. 

Me, ceilidhing, unimpressed, apparently!

Then the funeral. Hearing the stories of my Pompa's life; his determination to woo my nanna, and build his business from scratch, in having five children when they really couldn't afford it (!) How he wove music into the very fabric of my family. Old ladies with purple hair, long hugs, old wrinkly hands squeezing mine. Hearing his best friend's respect for him and his heart- breaking grief. Story after story, open mic style, of his life from so many people that loved him.

Leaving me feeling sad and happy and incredibly grateful all at once.

A couple of my Grandad's favourite pieces of  music, played at his funeral. Pretty beautiful.

Chorus of the Hebrew Slaves from Giuseppe Verdi's "Nabucco."

Sung by the Westminster Choir directed by John Finlay with the NBC Symphony Orchestra conducted by Arturo Toscanini. Recorded for January 31, 1943 NBC Radio broadcast.

1950 recording of The Pearl Fishers Duet sung by Jussi Björling and Robert Merrill. Conducted by Renato Cellini leading the RCA Victor Symphony Orchestra.

Lionheart Magazine

I've been a little tardy with this post, but before Christmas my copy of Lionheart, the brain child of Hels Martin, arrived on my doorstep. I contributed a couple of pieces back in the summer, one is a quilt tutorial and one is piece on cake bunting. 

The theme of the first issue is bravery, and its full of inspirational writing, illustrations and images. One of my favourite features is a piece on Freya Hardy called '7 steps to utter fearlessness' which lists 7 things which really scare her and the ways she beat those challenges. I also really like Fritha's piece on being pregnant, and Jessica's piece about leaving Norway (I always love Jessica's writing)

So, of course I'm going to say the magazine is wonderful; i'm in it. ahem. You'll just have to buy yourself a copy to see if I'm right...

P.s apologies for the short blogging absence, my Grandad died last week so I've been having a bit of unplanned down time from the internet. Normal service will resume soon.

Merry and Bright: Home made Christmas

December bustled by in a flurry of crafting, baking and Christmas cooking. Evenings were spent making batches of biscotti, stamping labels, crocheting and making big batches of mincemeat. Instead of rushing our cooking, as we usually do, we spent time over it; planning meals, testing recipe's, taking time to enjoy the process, to allow flavours to properly mingle,  to taste as we go (lots), to experiment. Weekends were spent holed up in our flat with the sewing machine a-whirring and the oven a-pinging and lots of plan hatching over countless cups of tea. Some of the results of our crafting and baking below...

Corsages, which I learnt to make at a Craft class at Liberty for a Grazia article

Turban headbands (I combined a few different tutorials to make these, I can show you how if you like)

Friendship bracelets, thanks to this very useful tutorial

Button Necklace using this Martha tutorial

Leather iPhone cases made by my mister thanks to this Instructables tutorial .Made from the leather of a favourite pair of boots that salvaged before I had to throw them away! They were also stamped with the recipients names too, using the letters from my type writer. 

Home made mince Pies

Home made chocolates (recipe coming up)

Bags of biscotti

A hamper we gave to Ray and Phil to thank them for hosting Christmas (containing home made breadsticks, cinder toffee, biscotti, chocolates, and real hot chocolate etc)

A kitchen garland- part of the hamper

And our wrapping. This year I went with a 'Merry and Bright' theme. I used recycled tissue paper potato stamped with colourful tree shapes. I then used washi tape and ribbon to prettify the packages, and hand stamped some matching tags. I spent far too long on my wrapping but I happen to find these things thoroughly enjoyable, much to my families bemusement!

Busy? definitely, but very satisfying, and most importantly budget friendly too (big tick).   Between us, my mister and I can be pretty handy which I am very grateful for.  Presents were made using items I already had in the house (the benefits of being a hoarder) which was great for the pennies, and we love making stuff so really enjoyed it too. I find the more I bake, cook and craft the more confident in my skills I become and the more I am likely to experiment. My mister always says that creativity is like a muscle; the more you use it the stronger it becomes. So true.

Ok, that's it with the Christmas posts now! Hello 2012...

P.S This song was my Christmas crafting theme tune. "Pretty paper, pretty ribbons of blue, pretty pencils to write I love you..." Roy Orbison is a legend, no?!